A Compendium of Human Cases
by Gwenchan93
Summary: Many strange people come and go through Romano's little dress shop. Some get on his nerves, others he could even tolerate


**A compendium of human cases**

Romano has met tons of strange guys in his life. From the Swissman who spent five hours in the shop looking for the cheapest fabric, only to order a super expensive gown as soon as his sister gave him the puppy eyes, to the Chinese who never loses the occasion to spy the models.  
"I'm going to denounce you one of these days! I'll drag you straight to the police myself," Romano threatens, waving a pincushion like a blade.  
What luck then it's up to Feliciano, his little brother, to take care of the customers. Otherwise, Romano would already have been charged for aggravated aggression; maybe even murder.  
The job division is simple: Feliciano deals with the customers, their grandpa takes care of all that's money and Romano spends all day in his sewing lab, where he can reduce social relations to the bare minimum.  
To be honest, he still has a hard time understanding how his brother manages to survive endless afternoons of small talk and bargains over discounts.

How he can restrain from sending to fuck themselves those clients who, after having made them work all days, leave not buying even a handkerchief.  
Well, he's still talking about Feli, the talented younger brother, who can keep smiling, adamant in his honesty, even with Natalia, the Belarusian woman with a knife in her bag and the obsession for wedding dresses.  
"Does she know she can't marry her brother?" Feliciano whispers in Romano's ear, under Natalia's icy gaze.  
"Shut up, for heaven's sake! I care for my life," Romano whines. Once Natalia almost used him as a target for her knives. The memory is still fresh.  
If Feliciano could take proper measurements, Romano would exit his lab only to return home. Too bad his idiot brother is too busy chatting to use the measuring tape and way too enthusiast to write down any number. The moment he enters the lab, he's already forgotten.

"You shouldn't fraternize with the customers," Romano chastises him, deaf to another client's protests; even more if such client is a twelve-years-old brat who may use a couple slaps.  
"Cut it out. I'm not stinging you, Peter!" he huffs. Well, the Little English Prince doesn't understand a single word in Italian, but the tone is enough to mute him. Only for five seconds.  
Romano, after having already sewed three jackets, five shorts, a coat and a couple sailor suits for him, starts to fear the kid's parents mistook the shop for a kindergarten.  
He'll have a chat with them soon.  
"All customers or just one customer?" their grandpa pipes in, a big cat grin stretching across his tanned face.  
"Everyone!" Romano replies - "Peter, for San Gennaro's sake, stop moving!" - and he points his finger vaguely towards Feliciano.  
"Even more if we're talking about a certain potato-eater bastard called Ludwig Beilshmidt."

He adds. After Natalia and Natalia's brother, who wears a scarf even in full August, Ludwig is the creepiest person Romano has ever met.  
No way the grimace the German produces when he pretends to be kind can be a smile. Nope. That's the face of a murderer. No doubt.  
"No, but," Romano stops Feli, cutting any attempts at protesting; or, God forbids, at defending, ugh, Beilshmidt.

Romano almost has a heart attack the day he discovers Ludwig Beilshmidt has a brother. A noisy, arrogant, obnoxious brother.

"Listen here, Beilshmidt Number Two, I don't need someone to tell me how to do my job. So fuck off!"  
Useless. Gilbert Beilshmidt wants to play salesman and tailor all in once and nothing can change his mind.  
Romano bangs his head against the nearest wall.  
"God. What? Did? I? Do? Wrong?"

Sometimes little joys come from his job, luckily.  
Even more than the pleasure of a cute girl accepting an invitation to share a coffee, Romano loves the subtle taste of revenge.  
"That'll be one thousand euros, Kirkland" he announces. Too bad he hasn't any pop-corn to eat. Arthur's face is quite the show, crystallized in between surprise and indignation.  
"A thousand? For a pair of trousers?"  
Slowly, as if he is explaining things to a little kid, Romano counts on his fingertips.  
"Lemme see. One hundred euros for the job. Plus the damages to an evening dress I had to redo from scratch. Plus the damages to two rolls of Chinese silk " - Peter has the terrible habit of touching everything with those dirty and sweaty hands of his. Romano almost had a stroke when the kid decided to smear what was left of a chocolate bar on an expensive sating  
"Plus one hundred euros because your brother is a pain in the ass," he finishes the list, Kirkland attempts to stop him useless. He has to understand, once and for all, Romano's shop isn't a kindergarten and they aren't babysitters. What the fuck!

Indeed, many strange people visit the shop. Romano would swear once the from door opened, in a clear day without a breath of wind and a voice too low to be heard spoke before the door closed again. No one to be seen.  
"Now I have to serve ghosts too."  
There's the Polish guy fixated with pink and cute dresses and the Frenchman who never buys anything, but spends half-day discussing fashion with Feliciano.  
"Would you like a cappuccino too?" Romano inquires, faking calm, even though he knows too well his brother can't read sarcasm to save his life.

He'll never admit it, but among all the nuisances, there are some people that, yes, Romano could even stand. Like that Spanish guy and his friend, Amber, who smiles like a cunning cat. Even Jan, Amber's stingy brother, isn't that terrible and some of his advice helped them to save the shop in times of crisis.  
With them, Romano can even let it slide the fact they never buy anything. They just chat, sometimes together, sometimes with him, in a strange mixture of languages. Not that he cares if they come or not; but the afternoons when they do are a bit less terrible. The days feel a bit less lonely.  
Especially with that guy - Antonio - with that damn, stupid smile and his stupid accent and his stupid little gifts and Romano hates him when he's present and misses him when he's not. Yes, Antonio is such a bother, when he stands just outside the door, patiently waiting for Romano to close the shop; walking home together isn't that bad, still.  
They aren't a couple, obviously. Just acquaintances, even if they've been spending time together for months now and sometimes they sleep at each other places.

Romano met many strange people and among them he found love.  
But he'll never admit it.

**Notes**: I'm more or less back in the fandom, despite all my efforts. Cross-posting here to reach out a bit more. Anyway this ficlet rotted in my folder for three years because I couldn't finish it.

Amber is Belgium and Ian is The Netherlands.


End file.
